Thursday, April 4, 2024

 


BREAKING: Changes to the First Baptist church steeple are nearing completion early Thursday morning. The church is graciously accepting a generous donation from the Shunnarah Law Firm which should allow them to have a much better Christmas program than the Fairhope United Methodist across the street. The old steeple was donated to the Robertsdale Renaissance Fair to be used this weekend in probably the most entertaining and unfair jousting tournament ever.

Friday, February 23, 2024

City Council votes to reduce downtown speed limit to Zero freezing everyone in place for eternity.

 





In a sudden and unforeseen move Friday morning, the Fairhope City Council motioned to reduce the downtown speed limit to zero mph, effectively freezing the downtown population in place for all of eternity. Several dozen cars now stand locked in place in the streets of downtown fearing any movement lest they be ticketed and fined. Pedestrians who are also subject to the ruling stay frozen in the streets as well. Future historians and anthropologists may one day find the lost community of Fairhope, which they will call "The City Froze in Time", and they will ponder the cause of the fall of this great empire.

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

Drama, Political infighting, and deceit: a journey into the world of the Mystic Mutt Parade.


 



In the heart of the bustling streets of Fairhope, amidst the vibrant chaos of Mardi Gras, a tale of canine curiosity and revelry unfolds. Meet Mrs. Bigglesworth, a four-legged Shi-Tzu with a nose for the truth and a penchant for adventure. Little did she know, her journey would lead her into the colorful world of the Mystic Mutts of Revelry, a Mardi Gras Krewe unlike any other.

It all began innocently enough, with Mrs. Bigglesworth sniffing out a scent of mystery in the air. Intrigued, she followed her instincts straight into the heart of the Mystic Mutts parade. Decked out in beads and feathers, she blended right in among the revelers, her tail wagging with excitement.

But as Mrs. Bigglesworth delved deeper into the inner workings of the Mystic Mutts, she uncovered a world of drama, deceit, and lies that would make even the most wild mutt whimper in disbelief. Behind the glittering facade of the parade floats lurked a tangled web of secrets and betrayals.

First, there was the case of the missing king cake, a beloved Mardi Gras tradition. Mrs. Bigglesworth caught wind of whispers among the mutts that pointed to an inside job. Could it be that one of their own was behind the confectionary caper? The evidence surfaced later as a plastic baby peaked out from one of the dog's own cakes which sat in the road steaming, and pointing accusations towards a guilty looking Labradoodle.

Then there was the scandalous rumor of a mutt who had been caught sneaking out to join a rival parade. The air was thick with accusations and finger-pointing as Mrs. Bigglesworth listened in on the juicy gossip.

And let's not forget the tale of the mutt who claimed to have seen the infamous Mardi Gras bead thief in action. Was it a case of mistaken identity, or was there more to this canine's story than met the eye?

Through it all, Mrs. Bigglesworth remained undeterred, her determination unwavering as she sniffed out clues and unraveled the truth behind the Mystic Mutts' tangled web of lies. With a wag of her tail and a bark of triumph, she exposed the culprits and restored peace to the Mardi Gras streets once more.

As the sun set on another unforgettable Mardi Gras, Mrs. Bigglesworth trotted off into the night, her nose already twitching in anticipation of her next adventure. For in the world of the Mystic Mutts of Revelry, where drama reigns supreme, there's never a dull moment for a curious canine on the prowl.

Thursday, February 1, 2024

Blind Tiger restaurant development in Fairhope being overseen by an actual tiger with vision impairment.


 (Fairhope, Ala) - It has recently been discovered that all construction and development of the new Blind Tiger restaurant on the Pier is being overseen by an actual tiger with vision impairment. Yesterday the building owner realized the tiger had been stuck in the closed bathroom for some time, causing all progress to halt for some time. They have fitted the tiger with his little hat and vest and are expecting him to finish all work soon.

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Fairhope installing new roundabout on the Pier.


(Fairhope, Ala)- The City Council has now approved closing the Fairhope Pier for all of 2025 to install a new roundabout in the middle. A data collection agency has recorded dozens of incidents on the pier each year where people accidentally stepped in front of another walker's path and both people had to awkwardly stop and move to the side, while staring down at the ground and saying "Sorry, excuse me" but both of you stepped to the same side and this keeps repeating itself over and over again until your'e absolutely sure they KNOW you've been shopping at Fairhope Hemp and pretty soon the whole Methodist church is going to KNOW. Well the roundabout should help with that and will begin construction late December 2024.

 

Saturday, January 13, 2024

Point Clear church plans Missions Trip to other side of Business 98

 




A Point Clear church has begun collecting donations to fund an upcoming Missions Trip to the other side of highway 98 in Fairhope, where students can teach and help the undercivilized people who reside there. The volunteers are currently undergoing rigorous training to communicate with the people, learning phrases that will help them on their journey such as "I reckon' you'uns need yer lawn mowed down yonder?" and the such. A similar group was sent last year on a trip going East beyond 181 and have yet to return. Some fear they have been accepted into the community as there are reports of the volunteers driving "Carolina Squatted" Trucks and living the Salt Life. 

  BREAKING: Changes to the First Baptist church steeple are nearing completion early Thursday morning. The church is graciously accepting a ...