Tuesday, February 4, 2025

Mahjong Mayhem: All-Out War Erupts in Fairhope as Rival Clubs Clash Over Provision Wednesday Slot

 





Fairhope, AL
– The once-tranquil streets of Fairhope have become an unexpected battleground as four local Mahjong clubs—Mahjong By the Bay, Point Clear Mahjong, Mahjong Collective, and the notorious Montrose Mahjong Posse—descended into full-blown war, marking the bloodiest conflict the city has seen since that heated debate over whether King Cake should include Cream Cheese. 

It all started over a simple scheduling dispute at Provision coffee shop and Instagram content mining facility,  where the coveted Wednesday morning slot had traditionally belonged to Mahjong By the Bay. However, after a highly controversial game last week, during which Linda Pritchard from Point Clear Mahjong allegedly accused Mahjong By the Bay’s president, Kaileigh Haileigh lee Wilson, of “strategic tile-hoarding,” tensions soared. Someone then fashioned what appeared to be a homemade Molotov cocktail out of a bottle of unsweet tea. 

By Thursday morning, Fairhope had split into four distinct territories, each controlled by one of the Mahjong factions. The Montrose Mahjong Posse, known for their aggressive playing style and an iron grip on the area’s casserole market, swiftly blockaded the Hermit Hut. 

Mahjong Collective—an upstart group of younger retirees who describe themselves as “progressive but traditionalist” (whatever that means)—set up a fortified position in front of Page & Palette, using hardcover copies of Forrest Gump as makeshift shields.

Meanwhile, Point Clear Mahjong had aligned with the H&M Golf Carts, weaponizing passive-aggressive glances and strategically placed speed bumps to disrupt enemy supply lines.

The Fairhope City Council quickly called an emergency meeting, though no one was able to agree on a course of action because someone kept bringing up last year’s Christmas parade disaster. Mayor Sullivan attempted to broker peace by offering a space at Refuge Coffee, but all factions rejected it as “completely absurd”. 

Tensions escalated further when Mahjong By the Bay captured and detained two members of the Montrose Mahjong Posse, holding them hostage in the Winn-Dixie produce section. Demands for their release included an apology, a bottle of Merlot, and a pound of chicken salad from Allegri Farm Market.

As of Monday morning, the conflict remains at a stalemate, though reports indicate that a secret "Mahjong ceasefire summit" may be in the works at an undisclosed location (widely believed to be the back room at Red or White).

Until then, residents of Fairhope are urged to stay indoors, and avoid any suspicious-looking groups of well-dressed women with tote bags.

This is an ongoing story. More updates as they come.

Friday, January 31, 2025

Christmas Around the Corner now offering Pole Dancing with "The South Pole" in business expansion.


Long Time downtown staple Christmas Around the Corner is expanding its business to now offer pole dancing classes for all skill levels. They are following the lead of other downtown merchants pursuing similar endeavors this year. For instance, bookstore Page & Pallete just opened a yoga studio, Plot Twist, while across the street Fairhope Spice & Tea Exchange began "Chai Tea and Tai Chi" events. In a contrarian move, Julianna the Street Dancer announced she will be offering classes for just sitting still. 
Christmas Around the Corner would like guests to be open-minded about the new offering, as many attribute Pole Dancing to Gentlemen's Clubs, and they would like to educate the public how Pole Dancing actually originated as the native dance of Poland, and is still very ceremonial there. 

 

Thursday, January 16, 2025

Activist group "Dads of Tyranny" looking to overthrow library board, replace all books with Jimmy Buffett records.

 





A growing online activist group Dad's of Tyranny has started a petition to force the resignation of the Fairhope Public Library board, and all of it's workers immediately. They also call for the removal of all books within replacing them with the entire Jimmy Buffett music catalog available for checking out anytime to members. Since the records will not take up all that much space they propose the Library have a margarita bar installed as well as a restaurant with a nautical theme serving once-fresh seafood. The group has no real ideology on their website, but some believe they perhaps just want to go to the Jimmy Buffet themed restaurant chain Margaritaville. The group states that if their demands are not met, they would also settle for a cool calendar with old sports cars. 

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Mari's Italian Cooking Lab opening a Cajun Cooking Lab after successful year.


 


The Mari Italian Cooking Lab on Section Street has spent the last year teaching men and women the traditional historic methods of preparing pasta from scratch, just like Chef Boyardee did before he sold his soul to the devil. Mari, who grew up in the little Italy neighborhood of Buckatunna Mississippi dreamed of teaching big groups of women traditional Mississippi Italian pasta methods since she was a little girl. Now, her dreams have been made a reality. In fact, the classes have been so successful she has branched out into Cajun cooking, focusing on the two groups of food cultures who will actually murder you over how you prepare a dish. She has recruited a man she pulled straight out of a Crawdad hole who will help with the Cajun classes even though the presence of tomatoes frightens him a little. Mari's cooking class is not without controversy, however. One person's spouse is said to have went to a class and learned the ancient methods only to never recreate those dishes at home again herself ever again, Lindsey. People are saying that was a major bummer. 

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

Larbuck's Seafood set to open in Fairhope this week.


 



Lartigue's Seafood Market has undergone a major branding change and has relocated near the new Fairhope Starbucks - Fairhope. For the Grand Opening Thursday, the first 100 customers will get a free "Craw-puccino" with either Cajun or Old Bay flavor enhancers.

Fairhope holds largest "Escape Room" with annual Lighting of the Trees Ceremony.


 


The world's largest "Escape Room" took place once again in downtown Fairhope, Alabama, drawing thousands of participants from all across the nation. The once a year game held in downtown Fairhope has each contestant squeeze in under the lights, packed in tight, and wait for the official start signal, lights and snow, before everyone battles it out trying to escape. The object of the game is make it home before anyone else does using wit, physical skill, and liquid courage. The Escape Room's creators have artificially filled the square with double strollers, dogs, and apathetic teenagers meant to hinder your progress. Occasionally you'll find yourself having to solve "puzzles" to proceed, such as making the decision to wait in line for that restroom or wager your chances on holding it longer and risk celebrating the "Wetting of the Knees" ceremony.

Monday, October 14, 2024

Fairhope's First Baptist Book Club members upset this month's book is once again The Bible.


 



Some anonymous members of the First Baptist church's monthly book club have sent letters of complaint urging the club to rethink this month's book, The Bible, which has been chosen for 116 consecutive weeks, and since the formation of the club. One member had stated she was hoping for Twilight this month since it is October, but the Club pushed back saying that Revelations was just as good and the Stephanie Meyer's vampire Trilogy. The primary complaint from members is unlike a typical Bible Study, this group in true book club fashion, starts the book from the beginning each month, with most of the members barely getting through Exodus. After some consideration, the Club President has now decided to appease the members and has switched the October book to The Bible: King James Version. 

Mahjong Mayhem: All-Out War Erupts in Fairhope as Rival Clubs Clash Over Provision Wednesday Slot

  Fairhope, AL – The once-tranquil streets of Fairhope have become an unexpected battleground as four local Mahjong clubs—Mahjong By the Ba...