The Decoy offers Alabama's first non-alcoholic only Bar.

 

(Downtown Fairhope, AL)- The newest addition to Downtown Fairhope may seem like just another bar and grill, but when you wake up the next morning without a massive hangover you realize those cocktails might have been a decoy.

The Decoy Bar & Grill gives an alternative option for those who just want to buy a dozen fancy drinks without risk of making out with the Marietta Johnson statue at 2am.

City Council Approves Fairhope School's Break Away from Interdimensional plane

 

(Fairhope, AL)- The City Council Approved a motion to remove the Fairhope Shool System from it's current dimensional plane of existence. Next month, the schools within the City limits will evaporate through a wormhole into a new dimension inhabited by squid-like sentient beings who control their galaxy with an iron fist (tentacle). The Fairhope school is expected to have an epic football team next season.

Fairhope Outlaws E-Bike Wheelies, Urges Kids to “Sit Normally and Reflect”

 

(Fairhope, AL)-  Thursday evening Fairhope City Council members came to a unanimous agreement to start enforcing a No Wheelies ban for children on E-Bikes within city limits. The new rule will enforce a $250 fine if the wheelie does not "Go Hard" and the child is not "Dripped out with valid Aura" as defined by a committee of children who will judge. Not everyone is happy about the rule though as many children are responding to the ban by learning even cooler tricks out of spite.

Bruce Larson submits evil sentient robot for Roundabout contest.

 The City of Fairhope and the Eastern Shore Art Center is accepting bids for a new sculpture for the Veteran's Drive Roundabout.  Local Sculptor and mad scientist Bruce Larson is currently the only bidder, with his Magnum Opus, a fully sentient Titan size Robot Clock known as the "Guardian of Hope", who will stand guard in the roundabout. Larson states there can possibly be a few hiccups with the project, one being the artificially intelligent robot appears to be Lutheran, and in test runs yelled a metallic and loud "Bless your hearts" to churchgoers at St. James Presbyterian in a very condescending tone. Bruce blames Hatch Fairhope who created the brain, in conjunction with a group of Fairhope Middle Schoolers, by pouring "Glizzy Water" into the Aux port of a Tesla. Larson created the robot out of the Glizzified Tesla along with all the contents of his neighbors garage while they were away. 

Baldwin Residents now OK with Solar Farm after finding out Meta will be using it for A.I generated Cute Kitten videos.

 

In a stunning reversal, Baldwin County residents have reportedly embraced the once-controversial Stockton Solar Farm after learning its primary purpose will be powering Meta’s A.I.–generated cute kitten videos—content officials say is “critical infrastructure for national morale.” Locals who previously decried the project as an eyesore now insist it’s a “small price to pay” to ensure an uninterrupted stream of algorithmically perfected tabby antics, with one resident stating, “If those panels help create even one more video of a digital kitten falling off a digital couch, then by God, plug me into the grid too.”

Fairhope's Philip Rivers, set to start for the Colts this Sunday, is claimed to have recruited St. Michael's students as his Offensive Line.

 

The town of Fairhope was shocked on Wednesday when local football coach for St. Michael's school for gifted dancers, a tribute to Michael Jackson, was offered role of starting quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts have been struck with a tragic number of quarterback injuries this week and were getting desperate. They even admitted to settling for a Nickelback, but they turned down the role. 

On Thusday however, Rivers, former San Diego QB, came to the rescue, bringing in a batch of superstars from the St. Michaels team as well to act as offensive line, being paid in extra credit and candy bonuses. Rivers, 44, admits it's been a while since he's been pummeled by a 350 lb grown man running 25mph, and believes the children may be a better option than the current players. 

Point Clear to develop new golf course more exclusive than Lakewood, citing issues with too many peasants buying LKWD caps and sweaters.

 

Developers have begun breaking ground on a new golf course and country club in Point Clear that will offer only 350 slots for new members. The Point Clear Club will boast an exclusivity that makes Lakewood look like Planet Fitness, and will no doubt begin a reality show level of interclass drama in the small township. 

The squabble began as a few members noticed peasants having unrestricted access to "LKWD" branded shirts and caps, and even worse, the admittance of a Summerdale man into the swimming pool.