Details emerge showing "Flying Creek" Project will now be an elaborate system of underground Golf Cart tunnels for Rock Creek residents.

 

The new Flying Creek Nature Preserve north of Fairhope broke ground last month creating a new park system in the Dyas Triangle property. The Dyas Triangle is not an occult ancient burial ground like the name suggests but is merely a cursed interdimensional realm where GPS is useless and the squirrels have dark existential ponderings. 

What's more interesting is new details have emerged that the pedestrian tunnel being placed on N Section is currently being reworked to include a large series of golf cart-sized tunnels for the benefit of Rock Creek residents only. The elaborate tunnel system will allow Rock Creekers to travel underground to areas in downtown Fairhope, Point Clear, and the Fairhope Pickleball courts. The tunnels will have facial recognition technology in Rock Creek to access, restricting residents of other neighborhoods, especially Sandy Ford who will be not be allowed in the tunnels, and will be attacked by rabid foxes Rock Creek has been collecting since 2018 if they try.

Point Clear Supper Club cleared by control burn to make way for 80's themed diner The Breakfast Club.

 

The Point Clear Supper Club was one of Fairhope's most beloved restaurants by almost dozens of people. That is until it was cleared away this week to make way to a new iteration of the restaurant with a hip 80's theme and a sassy spin on Breakfast items. The "Breakfast Club" will begin construction soon and will showcase a menu featuring "Kevin Bacon, and Eggs", "Pretty in Pink Mimosas", and "Berlin Wall of French Toast Sticks". To keep with the theme, The Breakfast Club will NOT have wifi access, but will include complimentary dial-up internet using a computer that takes up nearly 60% of the diner's space.  

Fairhope purchases Tesla Cybertrucks for City Workers

 

The City of Fairhope has purchased 3 new Tesla Cybertrucks for official city use. Two of the trucks will be utilized by the flower watering division, and the other one will be used by the worker manning the station for the Duck Pond by the pier. Violators who refuse to pay the park admission fee can be chased down and trampled by the Cybertruck if they flee. The City Worker has a license to kill issued by Kay Ivey in 2019 and they take their job very seriously.

New Bourbon Themed Retirement Community opens in Fairhope.

 

The best party in Fairhope last week happened to be the grand opening of a new retirement community, Woodford Reserve, located on Greeno and Volanta. Last Wednesday they hosted newcomers to free bourbon tasting, pickleball, and a 5pm Rave set to the music of Glen Cambpell, a supposed musical artist from the days of old. The newest Fairhope retirement community was created for lovers of Bourbon, and people are flocking from across the world to sign up. Amenities include discount cigars, complimentary bourbon during meals, heartburn medicine, and a casket made from discarded charred oak barrels. For those inclined, the community is split between swingers and non-swingers, or as they have aptly named the "Angels Share" or "Devil's Cut" condominiums.

Fairhope PD announces new "Flag" system to warn against Bachelorette Parties, Issues Double Red Flag warning all this week.

 

With Farihope becoming a premier spot for bachelorette and bachelor parties rivaling Nashville, Las Vegas, and Waffle House, Local residents have had to learn to cope with the dangers of the hordes of newcomers ready to party and POSE. Chief Hollinghead warned residents this morning about the risks of encountering the massive parties set to occur this week with Art Walk and Independence Day activities, instructing against getting too close lest you get sucked into the riptide. A bachelorette party riptide has claimed 4 casualties this year alone in Fairhope, and is similar to a normal riptide as it sucks up unsuspecting pedestrians with a quickness, and soon you find yourself in pink boots and matching skirts and you just want to get RIPPED. Remember if you find yourself getting sucked in, swim with the current until you get to the nucleus of the party, then just go with it until 8pm when practically everything is closed anyway.

Local Music Group "The Tip Tops" split up. Half the group will now perform as "Just the Tip".

 

Mobile's now famed music ensemble The Tip Tops who play along the Gulf Coast performing Motown and pop hits from the last 50 years have officially split up. The cause for the break up is due to rising tension over the years concerning singing responsibilities, choreography, and an ongoing argument about the proper topping on a Hot Dog. The newly formed group "Just the Tip" made up of half the former group will be touring around the Eastern Shore this month as the remaining half has booked a residency at Callaghan's of Mobile playing Irish Gigs as "Top o' the Mornin".

Farihope man sues Bruce Larsen over new statues, "He borrowed my car and turned it into a Seahorse!".

 

A Fairhope resident and former friend of local artist Bruce Larsen has pressed charges against the sculptor regarding the new seahorse statues placed downtown this week. The man claims he let Bruce borrow his Toyota Camry to "drive to Birmingham" last month and his friend then refused to take his calls. He assumed Bruce was busy, but last week while walking downtown he discovered the new seahorse themed statues, then noticed a Toyota radiator as well as his car keys within the sculpture. Further investigating caused him to believe this was in fact his car, as well as other items he had let his friend borrow over the years including a weedeater and his tools. Bruce has confronted police officials denying all allegations while lustfully eyeing the officer's shiny metal badge and handcuffs, which he then asked to borrow for a short time.