Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Alabama files lawsuit against Florida to reclaim full gulf coastline, Is not satisfied with "Just the Tip".

As of Tuesday, Alabama Governor Kay Ivey officially announced the motion to sue the state of Florida over it's illegal claim to 100 miles of gulf coast property. The lawsuit came as a complete surprise to the entire country and has most pundits scratching their heads. Of course, when looking at the history of the small chunk of land holding Pensacola, one can see why it's worth fighting for.

 Historically, the only reason Florida owns this land is all because of a silly misunderstanding in 1783. At the time, the leader of the French controlled Louisiana territory was courting  Queen Francesca of Spain, who controlled Florida. The Frenchman, was vigorously fighting for the love of Francesca, but was having no luck with such a distance between them. He was rumored to have set up a treaty to divide up land, in a vain hope to gain face time with the queen. Things went terrible however, when the Frenchman begged in a letter to the queen "Please Madame! Just the tip! I beg of you.". Days later the treaty was settled and Alabama gained precious coastline, but only what he had initially asked for. 

In Fact, most Pensacola residents consider themselves Alabamians anyway, and they almost always root for Alabama or Auburn over Florida college teams. We don't think there will be much of a fight put up by Florida against the lawsuit either, as most of the state doesn't claim the panhandle anyway. Florida operates on a system known as MTM Ratio, which looks at the number of meth users per mullet wearing adult males. Across the state the average MTM Ratio is .50, with half of mullet wearers using the narcotic. West Florida has not kept up with the state averaging .35 the last decade. This has upset the Florida community who now views West Florida as "Snobby" and "Do-Gooders".  All of this despite the fact that there are statistically more Alligators on Meth in the panhandle than anywhere in the country.

The court battle will begin next week in Tallahassee sponsored by Busch Lite and Red Bull. Spectators will be present to witness the prosecutor battle each jury member in an epic mud wresting competition while Judge Judy makes snappy one liners. 

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