Wednesday, August 2, 2017

M&M Bank in crisis as broken A/C causes every M&M to melt.

The M&M Bank in downtown Fairhope suffered a horrible catastrophe this morning according to the latest reports. Security guard Aaron Bowie opened the bank immediately noticing elevated temperatures and the sweet smell of chocolate.

Sometime during the night raccoons had gotten into the AC ducts and proceeded to terrorize the system leading to a rather costly malfunction. The vaults of candy were completely melted leaving local investors at a complete loss. Three vaults contained nearly four tons of the famous candy coated candy and one room housed nearly a thousand safety deposit boxes for filled with customers personal stashes of Hershey and Mars products.

The big problem with this incident is that the candy was FDIC insured, which protects the sugary funds against robbery, but not against melting. Some locals have lost their life savings in the blink of an eye. A Point Clear resident Gretchen Stephens tells TFI that she had saved her own weight in blue peanut butter M&M's in the last twenty years. Sadly, this candy won't get the chance to melt in anyone's mouths... or their hands.

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