Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Tuscaloosa man wins argument in AL.com comment section and is awarded Heisman Trophy.

Last night at approximately 11:30 p.m Tuscaloosa native Robert Woodworth opened up his Facebook app not knowing he was also opening up the path to glory. An article from Alabama news source AL.com popped up on Roberts news feed about the best BBQ places in Alabama. "Mmm" thought Robert as he read through the list of fine establishments in the area. Whe
n he finished however, he noticed the comment tab with over two thousand comments from other Alabamians. Robert knew from past experiences that opening that tab was akin to eating the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden, once you start... there's never going back.

Roberts says that he expected debate over different BBQ spots left out of the list and he hoped to acquire more info, but what he found sent him immediately into a rage. The comments somehow immediately jump from BBQ to racial slurs, religious arguments, politics, and almost no decipherable English.

Robert had many opinions on many matters and quickly dove in to many debates. His heart was beating faster than it had since his college athletic years and he wasn't going to give up easily. Long after other members had logged off and went to bed Robert remained up and on fire. By 5 a.m though, he had won. Robert won the comment section. No one else gathered as many "Likes" or Smiley Faces in the entire history of the thread. Robert could finally rest.

Mrs. Woodworth reports hearing her husband stumble to bed early this morning with red eyes and a look of deep satisfaction. Shortly after they say the doorbell rang and they could hear murmuring outside of their rural home. The Woodworths opened the door in their pajamas to find a crowd of thousands of Alabamians gathered outside. The crowd immediately cheered  and took Robert up on their shoulders marching him around the neighb
Tuscaloosa, this morning.
orhood. Soon after, the ghost of Bear Bryant levitated down from the clouds and directly presented Robert with a genuine Heisman trophy.

The story is still developing, but at the moment the city of Tuscaloosa is placing commemorative signs at every entryway to town honoring Robert and his achievement. TFI is not responsible for the results of anyone opening the comment section to any article and we do not encourage it.

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