Saturday, August 19, 2017


Mitsubishi may be in big trouble after it's new marketing campaign this month. The company has been promoting the release of the new Eclipse model sports car with a U.S tour planned to start in the upper west coast and ending in Atlanta. The company will travel across the country showcasing the new model Eclipse and letting fans test drive it before the official release date next Monday. The campaign was picked up by several national news organizations who promoted the event as a astrological phenomenon causing millions to purchase "Eclipse Glasses". This was probably even more confusing as the Mitsubishi company also produces glasses made for viewing 3-D movies (Pictured).

To appease the masses and prevent customer fallout the company is planning something perhaps even more amazing the an actual solar eclipse. It plan to take a 1999 Mitsubishi Eclipse (the same car your uncle Randy drives who still has a Mullet and a chain wallet), and shoot it directly into the sun with the help of the Swedish scientists who developed the Large Hadron Collider and also the rednecks on Youtube who strung 2,000 bottle rockets together.

Uncle Randy, who helped with the project

In South Alabama you can expect to see the 1999 Eclipse hit the sun at around 1:30 pm this Monday. Scientists and rednecks predict a very large explosion due to the many gallons of cheap vodka soaked in the floor mats and seat cushions. Special eye wear is highly recommended

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