Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Southerners don't wear skimpy costumes to attract the opposite sex, It's just too darn hot!

If your'e not originally from the South, it's easy to make the fatal Halloween mistake of getting a normal costume. If your'e from a place that has those things called "Seasons" you might hop down to the local Wal-Mart and snag up a funny Chewbacca costume to go with the Star Wars theme your family has planned. Then, when Halloween is upon us you start trick-or-treating around the neighborhoods, and realize you've made a big mistake.

The usual scenario for every first timer in the Deep South:

At first, you step outside the house in your full Chewbacca regalia and the humidity starts to seep through every orifice of the outfit. You know that you can find the courage to keep going though... you think. Nearing the third house or so
you start to notice a swishing around of liquid in your boots, and you realize this is the sweat that has been dripping down your body. Now you've given up the mask and gloves and ditched them in someone's dumpster. As you approach the second street on your block you realize you're no longer sweating, a sign of a heat stroke. With no water left you've resorted to drinking the reclaimed sweat from your Uggs. You're now carrying your costume and hurrying back home before the police come, because now you're down to a bra and yoga pants.

Every year from then on we start to look upon the "Skimpy" costume as not some immature excuse for showing skin at College Parties, but a way to dress up without having to receive intravenous fluids the next day.

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