Friday, February 16, 2018

Fairhope's Regions Bank now offering 30 year fixed rate loans to pay recent Utility bills.

With the recent surge in utility bill prices starting this summer, a local bank has decided to help the community with new financing options. If you live in Baldwin County and are one of the many who now pay more for electric and water than for your mortgage and childcare, then this might be a great option for you.  Regions offers a 30 year fixed rate plan at a 3.53% interest rate for approved clients. At any point you can even re-finance the loan to add on your next utility bill as well. You can essentially keep this cycle going for eternity.

Rock Creek, 2020
While it may not seem good financial advice to keep rolling these massive bills up into a gigantic ball of debt, there is a slight chance that some global catastrophe might send us into a post apocalyptic future where U.S currency ceases to exist, only to be replaced by a monetary system of golf cart batteries and pineapple leaves. I don't want that world to become a reality, but a Fairhope "Mad Max" world with tattooed golf cart gangs would make an excellent film. I can picture the hero at the end of the film as he jumps off his flaming golf cart and karate kicks his nemesis right between the legs, and as the camera zooms in on the hero's face he says in his gravely voice, "That's why we call it... the Fruit and Nut district." and he rides his segway into the sunset.

Regions will start processing the loans as soon as March 1st, but has yet to make a public statement about funding The Fairhope Inquisitor's film any time soon.

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