Tuesday, March 10, 2020

"So you just moved to Fairhope?" - A Quintessential Guide to Fairhope Culture- Part 1.

Buying Property

Baldwin County is the fastest growing area in all of Alabama, some say the world. The surge in population here has led to many new subdivisions popping up all over the place, but this is not desirable. Fairhope is all about LOCATION, or as the Realtors here put it, IIWDFDT (Is it walking distance from downtown?). You may pay a couple million for a cottage in the Fruit n' Nut, but you can charge for parking during parades and make up the money in a few years... It's called INVESTING!

The Holy Trinity

Moon Pie Burger, using the Trinity.
In NOLA, that's what cool people call the town of New Orleans, most dishes are created by the "Trinity"- Celery, Peppers, and Onion. In Baldwin County, we too have our Holy Trinity, which is the base for most recipes, and includes Moon Pie, Bacon, and Pimento Cheese. Almost all dishes here contain at least two of these items. 

Driving Downtown

What makes Fairhope great is the quaint scenery downtown, and the amazing food on each block. Now to get there. You'll notice that the Golf Cart is the way to go for this scenario, but if you only own a Nissan Titan extended cab Monster Energy Drink Edition® then follow these rules:
1. Make your way to downtown via Fairhope ave.
2. As you approach downtown find any adjacent empty driveway and turn around.
3. Return home and make a sandwich.

Mobile Bay

Stinky Green Dude. Fairhope's finest.
We like to advertise the bay here as our main feature. Decreased distance to the water increases home value. Sunset photos over the bay are the currency that keeps our local economy running. The swimming in the bay is also it's best feature. Pay your $20 to get into Fairhope Beach and be prepared to swim in comfortably warm waters for most of the year. What separates our beach from that of Gulf Shores is the chance to come out of the water with super powers. Over the years Fairhope visitors who've swam in the bay unknowingly have come out with abnormal abilities like X-Ray Vision, and have spawned real life super heroes such as Shrimp Girl, Stinky Green Dude, and Forrest Gump. 


A Jubilee is a remarkable event that only occurs in two places in the world- The Eastern Shore of Mobile Bay, and somewhere else that I'm not going to give free advertising to. Jubilees are generally scheduled every year the first Saturday in August on Mobile Street by the Pier. If you want to attend, tickets go fast, and the price does not include fishing nets or a Yeti Cooler. It must be noted that the fish WILL NOT tolerate anything but a Yeti brand cooler, and will flop out of any generic off-brand cooler.


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