Wednesday, June 21, 2017


For many years our open border has been penetrated by illegals looking for nothing but Alabama coastal warmth and free handouts. According to the latest research however, the free handouts are not enough anymore. The Illegals are now taking jobs in the Fairhope Daphne area, jobs that are already very competitively fought for.

Amelia Grace, 17, from Daphne went into interview at Champy's Chicken yesterday. She tells TFI that she waited with several others in the dining area for her turn to give it her best shot. Suddenly, the door behind the counter opened and out walked the store's general manager... and a Canadian Goose. The manager, smiling a big toothy grin, extended a hand to the goose as he said "Congratulations Sir! We'll see you bright and early Monday morning.". Amelia and the rest of the interviewees were sent home without even a chance.

This story is becoming all to common on the Eastern Shore.  Anyone who has eaten out recently has certainly been waited on by a Goose or God forbid a Mallard.  Just last night I went for a late night Cafe Au Lait at Coffee Loft and swear I saw a goose dealing drugs in the parking lot. No one's job is safe.

Governor Kay Ivey has sent an emergency request to President Trump for the construction of a Northern Wall to keep them out and we are awaiting a Tweet in response. The Ducks and Geese have not infiltrated Twitter yet which is a benefit to the humans. They apparently are still using outdated social media platforms Quacker and Honker (not to be confused with "Honkers", the Tinder app for single geese.").

Mayor Wilson of Fairhope has proposed a short term solution in the meantime by commanding an emergency "Special Menu Change" for all gourmet restaurants who will have to serve Foie Gras until otherwise noted. Some oppose the change altogether and choose to show support of the Fowl by wearing V-Cut tee shirt, symbolic of the trademark V pattern geese fly in when not stealing our Ubers.


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