Friday, July 28, 2017


Foley amusement park OWA which opened this week to sudden controversy for it's weight limit for rides has sparked even more outrage today. Numerous vendors around the park selling carnival type food have now placed signs requiring certain weight limits for different items. For instance, you must be a male under 165 lbs or a female under 135 lbs to eat a fried Funnel Cake, although taking off the powdered sugar topping will allow another 15 lbs to either gender. Cheeseburgers fall under the same guidelines, and anyone over the limit will be limited to veggie burgers or a water smoothie.

Of course kids follow a different guidelines according to the latest press release. Children attending OWA will enter through the main building in groups of 10 while completing a Willy Wonka-like adventure deeming which kids can have candy and which kids are spoiled brats deserving a transformation into a large Blueberry. This has sent parents into pandemonium. One parent, a Foley native claims that her child wanted a Mountain Dew, but was instead carried away by the Poarch Creek version of Oompa Loompa's. What's worse, she stated, was that they sang a song while carrying little Timmy away, a song so catchy that now she can't get it out of her head.

Locals and visitors plan to protest the food restrictions this weekend despite severe weather and heat conditions. TFI will keep the public updated through the season.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Somebody is going to take this seriously and blow up FB with iy.

  3. It's already on fb and being taken seriously.

  4. If it is not truth then why waste your time posting it without a disclaimer? SERIOUSLY? With all the lies purposefully being told these days? No need for this at all.

  5. I think you must have stopped reading before the "Willie wonka " part. Otherwise I'm pretty sure you'd have recognized it as parody.


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