Sunday, October 1, 2017

Fairhope Fashion with TFI: Fairhope kids are always dressed better than me!

Quite often I find myself strolling through downtown Fairhope with my significant other, Usually after a date night or maybe just enjoying a nice stroll on a breezy day. I'll start off with a feeling of moderate confidence in myself and maybe I'll pride myself in looking pretty good that day. This usually takes a turn for the worse however, with each group of kids that we pass. I see some toddlers walking up with their parents and I can't help but notice the Gucci loafers that cost roughly the equivalent of my mortgage payment. I look down and wonder if maybe I should have worn something besides these old New Balances. As we get closer and can see the kid snickering at my shirt from Target, and his infant sister being strolled instantly speaks her first words as she shouts "You ugly!". Her parents then explode in delight at her newfound ability to speak and the mother exclaims to her "Yes Sugar! Yes, he is ugly, Scarlett Jane! No style at all! Smart, smart girl".

Then, we'll will pass several hoards of teenagers. The boys generally sharply dressed as the "bad frat guys" in every college movie ever created. The general teenage girl attire seems to be the ubiquitous Fairhope Store Tee Shirt two sizes to large. This look is a huge hit this season and one I wish I could pull off. Every morning I'd pull on my oversized Fairhope shirt and not bother to put on any shorts on for my daily errands. Let the people assume I'm wearing short shorts. By this point on our stroll my wife is generally questioning why she married this guy who buys "whatever the mannequin is wearing" and most of his clothes are unwearable because he refuses to try them on in the store.

The whole point is that Downtown Fairhope is bad for marriages. Unless you have the legs to sport those salmon colored short shorts and the ability to wear loafers without socks and still never have stinky feet this will not end well for you. My recommendation to everybody is to spend your date next time in the town of Bay Minette. In "The ol' BM" you can sport that outfit from The Gap anywhere and feel great about yourself. You'll probably even draw a good amount of attention to yourself too. Camo clad locals will pass your table muttering "yankee" and "city slicker" under their breath with venom. The tables have turned! Now, I walk the streets of Bay Minette, and as I pass the toddlers strolling by I just look at their Baby Crocs and shake my head. 

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