Fairhope Fitness Craze Takes Off as Women Discover Rucksacks Can Hold Entire Franzia Boxes

 

FAIRHOPE, AL — What began as a wholesome outdoor fitness movement has quickly devolved into Fairhope’s latest wine-fueled social event, as dozens of local women have taken up “rucksacking” — a workout that involves hiking with weighted backpacks — by stuffing their rucksacks exclusively with boxes of Franzia. Participants insist the activity strengthens their cores, improves balance, and “pairs beautifully with a crisp Pinot Grigio.” Witnesses report that the town’s walking trails now resemble “a cross between a CrossFit class and a vineyard happy hour,” with women stopping every quarter-mile to “hydrate” from their CamelBak spouts, which sources confirm are suspiciously tinted pink.

“It’s not about getting drunk,” claimed Fairhope resident Lindsay Porter, adjusting the straw on her bag-mounted wine tap. “It’s about health, friendship, and getting our steps in before the buzz wears off.” The group has even coined a motivational slogan — No Pain, No Pinot — and plans to host the first annual Ruck & Rosé 5K, where finishers receive medals, stemless glasses, and a reminder to call an Uber. Local officials say they’re “monitoring the situation,” though several were seen joining the group after learning the event’s hydration station was a full sangria bar.