200 pound Viagra unearthed downtown thought to be cause in crazy growth of Fairhope population.

Late Wednesday afternoon a young tourist noticed something suspicious while walking his dog down Magnolia and Summit street. The dog furiously started digging in a vacant lot uncovering a large object smurf blue in color. Authorities arrived along with local archaeologists in hopes to discover something amazing, but what they did find erected their curiosity even more.

An on-call pharmacist identified the object as Viagra, an erectile dysfunction medication produced by Pfizer. The dosage is enough to kill a normal sized human and would perhaps even give a dozen Giraffes stiff necks for weeks.

Fairhope has been recently named the fastest growing city in Alabama as most locals are very aware. Our growth is happening at an alarming rate too without any sign of stopping. Now scientists know for sure why this is happening to Fairhope, but is it too late? Pfizer representatives say that the pill has been buried for at least months, more than enough time to absorb the chemicals within, so the growth may continue for much longer. The representative for the company did tell the public "If the growth lasts

for up to 4 years, please contact your doctor immediately.".

On the contrary to the general public, contractors in the area are reporting feeling more "satisfied" than they have in many, many years. One foremen reported "with all this work I'm getting I really feel like a young man again!.". Others are not so happy about the flood of contractors pouring in, reporting that the competition is stiffer than it's ever been before in the area.

Westminster Village says "SCREW IT", Changes name to West Minister...

Anyone familiar with the upscale retirement facility in Spanish Fort, Westminster Village, is probably unfamiliar to the actual pronunciation of the facility, which is commonly referred to as "West Minister". Despite tons of money being poured into marketing for the community and it's actual name most seem to prefer the Anti-British version. 

After spending more money on focus group testing Westminster is finally giving up the cause and changing it's name officially to West Minister. Along with the name change it will add a mascot to it's logo... an image of rapper Kanye West dressed as a minister (pictured).

With the success of the name change other businesses are jumping on the bandwagon and changing as well. The Shrimp Basket will further be know as The Scrimp Basket, and all coffee shops will now serve "Expressos".

HONEY BAKED HAM CHANGES MENU AFTER OWNER CONVERTS TO JUDAISM. NEW MENU TO FEATURE MOSTLY JUST HONEY NOW.

Local eatery Honey Baked Ham is famous for their delicious sliced ham straight off the bone and the many sandwiches made from the ham. That is about to change after owner and proprietor Terry Cruz had a sudden change of faith....

Terry tells TFI that he's always had a strong interest in Judaism, but never dabbled in the more strict orthodox sects until recently. Now he's very adamant in his faith, and is showcasing his beliefs with a big change in the Honey Baked menu. The main star of the show now will be the kosher honey blessed by a local rabbi.

For those interested in coming down to try his wares the menu will feature honey soup, honey sandwiches, and honey baked honey comb paninis with the famous honey mustard.

Fairhope Superlative Awards 2017.

Voted "House With Most Pink Flamingos"

Although it was a tough tough decision, our official bird counter awarded this house on Section

 with the top honors with over 200 flamingos. The 2nd place was awarded to a house on Pecan st. with a whopping 2 pink flamingos.

Voted "Church Most Likely To Be Attended By Tim Burton"

Coincidentally, next Sunday's devotional will be led by Rev. Edward Scissorhands.

Voted  "Most Likely To be Holding A Princess Hostage in It's Tower"

This house finally managed to steal the long held title from Mosher Castle as they recently released their Princess making them ineligible to compete this year.

Voted "Most Likely To Be Serving Hansel & Gretel For Sunday Potluck"

This church popped straight out of a Fairy Tale with it's interesting green roof and slightly malevolent aura. 

House Voted Most Likely To Eventually Fly Away With Balloons "Up" Style 

Recent sightings of an old man being accompanied by a boy scout outside the home confirms our suspicions.

  

Voted "House Most Likely For Men To Choose To Sleep In A Separate Bedroom From Their Wife To Have This Awesome Silo Thing as A Room"

I personally would call it my "Fort" and stay armed with a paintball gun at the window to protect against the invading Armadillo Army.

Voted "Owner Most Likely To Be Approached By A Wizard And Given A Mission"

Voted "Most Likely To Have Said To His Architect 'Dude, Just Go Crazy!'"

Rumors have circulated that the actual Noah's Ark was deconstructed to erect this home on Mobile street. 

TRUMP ANNOUNCES PLANS TO BRING DEMOCRACY TO BISCUIT KING-

Fairhope, AL-  President Trump caused a stir in Alabama Friday afternoon with a strange Tweet directed at a small business located in Baldwin County. Trump praised the restaurant/ Fun Barn for their delicious biscuits, but attacked them for their use of a Monarchic system of government within the restaurant.

The Biscuit has been using it's ruling system since it's inception last century. Before Biscuit King there was Pancake King who once retired passed the crown down to the rightful pastry. BK re-tweeted pleading their case that Democracy would not work in this business and would certainly bring chaos.


Fairhope spectators have reported seeing several National Guard vehicles heading south on hwy. 98 towards the restaurant, but TFI believes this is the military just flexing it's muscles in hopes of a peace treaty being formed between the two nations.

Many patrons in the restaurant are currently trapped amid the chaos, but have been pacified with    square dancing and Bingo for the time being. TFI will keep locals updated on the situation.

Possum Salad Chick opening an Elberta location.

     Tammy Schroader, an Elberta resident, has finally made her lifelong passion a career by opening the new 'Possum Salad Chick in downtown Elberta. Tammy is known all over Baldwin county for her delicious concoctions made from seasonal "pavement meats" sourced only in South Baldwin. Possum Salad Chick was inspired by Fairhope's Locals eatery who specializes in organic whole foods supplied locally. Tammy took their idea a step further by providing local meats and also ridding the community of pests as well as cleaning the roadways. 

     For years, Elberta residents who know Tammy would all gather together at her residence every Saturday night to get a piece of her special home fixin's. Sometime it would be Squirrel Stew, other times 'Dillo Dumplins, but nothing drew a crowd like her famous Possum Salad. She wouldn't let us in on the recipe, but did give us a few pointers on the preparation of good Possum: She tells TFI

     

Tammy Schroeder, Owner.

"You gotta boil him first to get the hair off. You can use that hair now for socks. The tail is pretty tough so that gets cut off and used as a switch for the disciplinin' the kids. One tip for you is to hunt for pavement meat on roads the tourist travel as our big trucks down here don't leave no meat left once their smashed. You gotta find roads these Yankees be drivin' their Prius's down. A Prius leaves plenty a meat."

The Possum Salad Chick will have their grand opening this Saturday opening 8-5 with live music by the Deliverance Banjo Boys, door prizes, and free Frog Chips for the kids. They will also be giving samples of Possum Salad in 45 flavors including Ranch, Curry, and "Sister's Kisses".

WINTZELL'S SUSPECTED OF FOUL PLAY BY SHUX RESTAURANT.

New Fairhope Restaurant Shux located on the Fairhope pier had an ingenious idea to deliver downtown eaters to their out of the way eatery... The Shux Shuttle. By using their golf cart to deliver patrons from downtown they offered an exciting trip to the disabled, elderly, and pretty much anyone that didn't want to tumble down the Fairhope avenue hill.

It has been said by some that others have also taken advantage of this opportunity.  Reporters at TFI have reports that Wintzell's has been disguising a similar golf cart in order to deliver Shux customers to Wintzell's instead. Some of the elderly customers never even knew the switch that took place. This might have gone unnoticed too, but they may have taken even further. Reports have come in that a disguised shuttle has even posted up outside the pier on some nights awaiting Shux customers leaving the restaurant and vows to take them back to their vehicle only to deliver them straight to Wintzells. Suzanne Trogby tells TFI "I had just finished eating two dozen oyster and a margarita and I just wanted to go home... The next thing I knew I was at Wintzell's with no way back to my car. I thought I guess I'll just get dessert!".

Though numerous complaints to the City have been made nothing was taken seriously until this week when Thomas Hospital reported several patients and visitors missing. Apparently the parking lot shuttle has been seen delivering people to Wintzell's which leaves the conspiracy theory open. All we know is that Wintzell's has been oddly full of customers in gowns hooked up to IVs.