Panini Pete discovers greek heritage, becomes Pita Pete.

After local food legend Pete Blohme or "Panini Pete" tried his hand at an Ancestry.com DNA test, his world took a very Mediterranean turn. An unsuspecting Pete received the results via mail showing that he was 90% Greek, a huge surprise to the Food Network star. The newfound Grecian is going full force with his new heritage changing his title to Pita Pete and making minor changes to his many restaurants. Panini Pete's will still serve paninis, but now pressed between two freshly baked pitas. His falafel Beignets are also sure to be a hit.

Doctors warn "Salt Life" increases risk for heart disease, recommends "Salt Occasionally" stickers.

No matter where you go in the South you'll likely find cars plastered with stickers reading "Salt Life". Whether you live anywhere near saltwater has nothing to do with it. Salt Life is a state of mind akin to a sticker version of a Jimmy Buffet song. The American Heart Association claims though, that living the Salt Life could severely impact your health, and reduce you life by many years by increasing your risk for heart diseases. That's why a collection of cardiologist teamed up with Jimmy Buffet to come up with a much healthier "Salt Occasionally" sticker. The sticker is reduced sodium and has less effect on one's blood pressure. Buffet also warns fans of salt rimmed margaritas, and instead urges folks to follow in his footsteps and line his margarita glass with powdered Ensure.

New Rouses in Daphne looks to "swing" Publix shoppers with upside-down Grouper special.

The Grand Opening for the new Daphne Rouses market is coming up in two weeks to the celebration of many. The NOLA native supermarket is looking to 'a-Rouse' members of the Baldwin County swinger community with discount offers on upside down Grouper. Rouses claims your chances of success are higher with an upside down grouper in your cart than that of a pineapple at their leading competitor Publix, because Grouper is naturally full of pheromones that attract the opposite sex. Of course that mostly works only for other Grouper, but Rouses claims tere is not much of a genetic difference in Grouper and Humans... they both have mouths, eyes, etc. To take part in the special, just purchase the fish in any size and place in your cart tail side up. Pre-filleted fish won't work unfortunately.

Mobile Bridge Project scraps Toll idea, adds TROLL in it's place.

Pandemonium broke loose upon the announcement of an expected toll on the new Mobile Bridge Project. The toll, which is expected to be from $3-$6 per passage, can inflict thousands of dollars for commuters yearly. The uproar over the toll finally caused the planning commission to scrap the idea entirely, and agreed on a Bridge Troll instead. The idea hasn't been completely accepted by the public yet, but many agree it's better than the toll.

The Commission started interviewing this week for possible Troll candidates. Interviewees included Troll Doll Trolls, Russian Internet Trolls, Evil Trolls, but eventually settled on a classic Billy Goats Gruff Troll for it's mass appeal. According to the developers, the Troll will still collect a fee for passage, but drivers can surpass the fee by answering a set of riddles. Daily commuters from Baldwin County are expected to receive a discount getting 15% easier riddles.

21,000 residents agree, "Keep Fairhope Small!".

A recent study confirms that all 21,000 Fairhope residents are angry with recent growth and would like Fairhope to stay a quaint small town like back when it was only a 19,000 population. Back then it was great. There were 5 fewer restaurants crowding our space. Less banks. Jubilees occurred every other day teeming with crab, shrimp, and Maine Lobster. Simpler times. Scenic 98 was more scenic back then. Business 98 had less business. The pier went all the way to mobile and ended a the Dew Drop. Not only was the bay clean back at 19,000 residents, but it had healing qualities and could cure Gout. It's easy to see the frustration every is feeling at the hoards of magazine articles demanding Illinois to disband as a state and march southward. 'Keep Fairhope small' will echo for generations.

PostNet acquires rights to new hotel, plans to re-opening as BedPostNet.

Longtime Fairhope staple Postnet surprised locals this spring with a sudden announcement that it would be closing their doors for good. This left citizens with less options for printing and shipping needs, and saddened long time customers. Some claim the departure has to do with the purchasing of the block by a developer who plans on opening a "boutique hotel" in the space.

News came today that PostNet has risen like the Phoenix and purchased the space, still planning to open a new hotel, but one that offers great shipping and printing services all from the comfort of a cozy bed. Selfie taking tourists will also be thrilled that the famous clock with remain at the corner, and BedPostNet will even print off cell phone pics for customers for free.

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