Fairhope Women left pants-less after upcoming Labor Day "No White" Rule.

Fairhope Police are preparing for the upcoming Labor Day week by increasing their enforcement of Public Indecency Laws. Chief Hollinghead has increased her resources, adding more officers to the downtown area to be on the lookout for pants-less loiterers. The fear is that most women in Fairhope only own white pants, and with the upcoming Labor Day holiday and the old southern rule of "No white after Labor Day", this may cause some problems.

Of course, walking nearly nude has been against Fairhope law for decades, but in the early days of our little "artist colony", this was the typical dress code. Just look at the many photos of founder Henry George and notice how they're all taken above the waist. This is also the reasoning behind one of Fairhope's oldest neighborhoods being called "The Fruit and Nut District".

Gulf Shores Tourist enraged to find his Alaskan King Crab legs weren't sourced locally.

Gulf Shores, Al-  One local restaurant found itself in the headlines Monday night when a man travelling all the way from Michigan dined there that evening. Peter Hayfield, 56, rented a condo in Gulf Shores so he could visit and dine on the spectacular seafood known to the area. What he didn't expect was to be the victim of widespread fraud.
The tourist wanted to feast upon the amazing seafood the Gulf is known for, so he ordered platters of Alaskan King Crab Legs and Maine Lobster only to find later that his dinner was frozen and shipped from out of state. Hayfield then wrote to the Gulf Shores Union of Tourists to lodge a complaint about the restaurant. The Union is now planning a boycott on all Alaskan Crabs not harvested in Alabama coastal waters.

Wal-Mart joins "Shop Local" movement, asks locals to shop at your local Wal-Mart instead of Supercenter next town over.

"Shop Local" is the message supermarket Wal-Mart is trying to convey now across the nation. With the construction of so many Wal-Marts in each city sometimes its easier to go across city lines to another Wal-Mart that may be less of a drive. Wal-Mart also has found many people may drive to another town's store to avoid traffic, crime, or that high school classmate that wants you to join a pyramid scheme. The Walton Family has taken notice, and is joining the Shop Local movement in hopes that customers will support their hometown. The Walton's want to keep the small business community alive and prosperous, so they also urge that you avoid shopping at large "Big Box" stores like Sam's Club and Wal-Mart "Supercenters", and instead give your money to regular Wal-Marts.

Fairhope implements ban on geese sleeping in cars overnight.

The City of Fairhope stirred controversy again this week with its proposed ban on Canadian Geese sleeping in vehicles overnight, especially in the Duck Pond area. Many locals feathers are ruffled about the idea, as many of the geese have no other option. Canadian Geese famously fly together in groups in a "V" formation, a fact widely known, but few realize that they sleep mid-air in a "Z" pattern. This usually is no problem for geese, but the arrival of new airports in the area have made it unsafe to fly all night while asleep. As a response, many geese now sleep in unlocked cars around town during most nights. This has been a major problem for many residents, as they keep their guns in their unlocked cars and are afraid of the geese unknowingly firing the guns by accident. The law is expected to pass this week without interruption, but no solution to the problem has presented itself yet.

Study finds many Southern Grandmas may suffer from undiagnosed Monogramania.

New government studies have finally put a name to the state of despair many Southern Women feel when they have multiple grandchildren in a short period of time. "Monogramania", as it's labeled in the ICD-10, is the newest mental health problem that often pops up when Southern Women have too many monogram jobs going at once. Symptoms of Monogramania include: depression, mania, fatigue, poor church attendance, and carpal tunnel syndrome. Healthcare providers ask that you look for signs of Monogramania in your Grandmother, and contact a physician if any symptoms present themselves. Don't let Monogramania go untreated, help is always available.

Satan and Voldemort come out as Pro-Toll for Mobile Bridge Project in joint press conference.

Mobile, AL-   In the early hours this morning news broke that the devil himself and evil magician Voldemort would hold an impromptu press conference on the steps of the Mobile Courthouse. Reporters surrounded the king of darkness who hasn't made a public appearance in eons and were surprised to learn the devil has special interest in to Mobile Bridge project. Satan and his associate Voldemort spoke about the justification of the tolling, stating how the bridge would pay for itself rapidly, and that Baldwin County residents would receive a great discount of 15% off tolls.

The conference was very brief and direct, but later the devil turned to one reporter stating that he really didn't get enough credit for making the Kardashians famous. After this statement the two villains disappeared into a cloud of smog not to be heard from again.