New found tribe of Native People found in Point Clear fight City Council to keep their home.

Point Clear, AL- News broke last week that a newly discovered tribe of Natives were discovered in an area of Point Clear. Two young boys happened to be chasing their dog through the woods when they noticed a campfire in the distance, and once they got closer discovered a strange and delightful tribe of young people who spoke in only song and dance. Once the news got out that their was possible new land to grab, developers began to try and scoop up the property for condos.

Last night at the Fairhope City Council meeting, the tribe came forth to protest in the form of song and dance, mostly using the tale of a lion cub as a metaphor for their recent struggles. The audience was captivated by the performance and gave them a standing ovation, which the tribe took as a threat, leading to all out warfare in the building.

Giant Conecuh Sausage in a bikini crowned 2019 Miss Alabama.

In a surprise underdog victory, a giant pack of Conecuh Sausage wearing a bikini top took the top honor of Miss Alabama  for 2019. Hundreds of women across the state competed for the title, and most suspected Gloria Ramirez from Cullman would take the win, but when the ballots were gathered the crowd was stunned as Conecuh Sausage won in a landslide victory.

For the first time in Alabama history, the Miss Alabama title was not given to a female human, but instead a pork product. Some even suggest the entire stunt was a metaphor for how beauty pageants are making a spectacle of women's bodies, displaying them like a meat product on a shelf. The Conecuh Sausage company would not comment when not asked.

With the surprising win for the delicious sausage, other states are hoping to have their own local products win the state title. Louisiana have introduced "Big Ass Pot of Gumbo" into the running of their state contest, and Florida's competition is so far between a young woman and an alligator on Meth.

City announces plans to develop entire city of Chicago within Fairhope next year.

Plans were announced in the early morning hours this Tuesday for new developments along 181 in Fairhope recreating the entire city of Chicago. The new residential portions of the plan will squeeze 2.5 million people and add a whopping 150,000 new spaces for banks and coffee shops. Some are arguing that Fairhope cant fit another 2 million people on 181, but developers plan to expand the road to 4 lanes, which might help the issue. 

Not all locals are against the plans. Some are welcoming to the new Chicago, hoping to get a chance to try the famous hot dogs and pizza styles, but we're not certain that the food will come with the buildings. Others worry that the new Chicago will come with higher crime statistics. The developers argue against this point, stating that a City of this magnitude will surely come with it's own Batman.

Lulu Buffet adds Seafood Buffet to iconic restaurant to delightfully confuse tourists.

One of the biggest tourist destinations on the Gulf Coast is about to make big changes to their menu. Lulu Buffet (sister of musician Jimmy Buffet and reader of a book by Warren Buffet) has decided to switch her dining layout to Buffet Style instead of the original menu options. Some say this may confuse guests who now have to change pronunciation of Buffet for different contexts, a difficulty for travelling Floridians who perhaps used their mental capacity to choose their Lottery numbers that day.

To add in the fun, Lulu's will penalize you for pronouncing Buffet wrong within the context, forcing you to walk the plank into a kiddie pool filled with Margarita mix and Heinz 57. Don't slip up!

Due to rapid population growth, newly purchased K-1 Center will be utilized as a K-1 center.

After months of wracking their brains trying to figure out what to do with the newly acquired K-1 Center, the City Council found the answer written in plain bold letters. The City has decided to utilize the center for educating the increasing number of children flowing into the Fairhope borders. The new K-1 Center will help provide relief for the new intermediate school and the other educational facilities in the area including the Organic School, which has seen such growth that it's had to use cheaper GMO education instead.

Grand Hotel offers to send your ashes off by cannon fire. For premium rate will shoot them into Bellingrath Gardens.

For those of us that wish to take less of a toll on the earth in the form of cremation after our inevitable demise, The Grand is now offering a very special deal. For only $399, The hotel will fire your remaining ashes into Mobile Bay and you can be your very own Jubilee. This is an appealing idea for sea lovers who after years of fishing Mobile Bay want to give back to the shrimp that sustained them all these years. Others just can't afford the rapidly escalating price of burial plots in Fairhope after many have scooped them up to place Tiny Homes on them. Either way, the price is tempting and gives your loved ones the opportunity to partake in the Grand's daily Tea Time ceremony while watching your ashes evaporate into the famous pink sunset. The deluxe package ($999), comes with a handmade urn from Tom Jones Pottery, and fires your ashes directly into Bellingrath Gardens across the bay.