Loxley Zoo adds new House Cat Exhibit. Now has up to 3 live animals and one formerly alive animal in collection.

 

Touted as the most premier Zoo in the Loxley area not counting the Wal-Mart after 10 p.m, the official Loxely Zoo established in 2019 has now added one more animal to the collection, an orange house cat named Garfield. The cat stumbled upon the property unsuspecting of the zoo, but when one of the animal handlers saw the cat, it was too late. She was officially added along with a dog and a blackbird that comes and goes as he pleases, perhaps never really the same bird. The collection also includes a stuffed squirrel,  an imaginary giraffe conjured up by the owner's daughter that only she can see and talk to, and a tire rescued off of highway 59. Admission has been raised to $3, $1 per live animal, to cover costs of feeding and housing. The Zoo opens the new exhibit immediately,  just knock on the van's door and ask for Tammy. 

Legendary Biscuit King put up for sale. Democracy shall finally reign as the King steps down and voting begins for the new Biscuit President.

 

The Biscuit King is one of Fairhope's legendary country style restaurants serving a completely normal blend of stuffed biscuits, BBQ, dancing, and politics. Recently, it found out that the famous biscuit hatchery would be put up for sale, leaving many to wonder why the king would suddenly step down from his throne. For some, this comes as good news though, as this will begin the first election for a Biscuit President, and many are already starting their campaigns. TFI will be investigating the story as it continues to evolve. 

Meet the owners of Fairhope's hippest restaurant The Despair Farm

 When Thad and Chimera Winston moved to Fairhope from their hometown Seattle, they realized their was a great need for a restaurant that catered to a different kind of crowd, the Goths. The Winstons quickly went to work opening up The Despair Farm, a farm to table style restaurant whose menu offers such delicacies as "cigarette and matches", "cigarette and book of poems", or "cigarette and rose painted black." which are not metaphors but actually just cigarettes. And don't bother with Instagram photos, The Despair Farm is often completely unlit, and the loud emo style music drowns out any video recording. The unusual business hours of 8-4pm keeps Despair Farms free from customers mostly, which doesn't bother the Winstons, as they actually encourage you NOT to come. They mostly want to be left alone and they are very adamant that this is not a phase, Mom,  this is a lifestyle. 

Fairhope Golf Carters flood local power stations for electricity amid fuel panic.

 

After an east coast based Oil Refinery was hacked this week, panic ensued over the southern region of the U.S with thousand pouring over gas stations to get some of that sweet sweet Dino juice. In Fairhope, a quaint town on the Gulf Coast, the fear spread to Golf Carts as well. On Wednesday, golf cart enthusiasts flooded power stations with extension cords hoping to siphon off any electricity they could just in case there was an electricity hack too. Hundred of locals brought fluffy animals, socks, and family members with curly hair to gather fuel in the form of static electricity. Governor Ivey had to make an emergency announcement to Fairhope that there is no need to panic as the Gulf Coast gets their electricity from a guy rubbing two balloons together in Pascagoula.  

Fairhope Police release R&B album "Right to Remain Sexy", announce tour.

 

This week, the Fairhope public was overjoyed to discover that our police department officially released a collection of their greatest R&B and Soul hits with their album titled "Right to Remain Sexy". The album features four of the FPD crew crooning away their classic hits such as "Your'e doing 10mph over the Love Limit", "Breaking and Entering (My Heart)", and "Blue Light Special".  

Watch out for the upcoming tour dates too, as the FPD takes their hits on the road. They will be showcasing their skills on the "State Troopin' Tour" which kicks off this Fall. They will play sets at different police departments across Alabama, finishing up in Muscle Shoals where they'll have a live concert recorded for their next album.